The Life of Arati Mestry and what it reveals about ourselves…

 

Arati Mestry once told me that her life was a journey to prove to herself that “I am someone”.

What does that mean though? To be someone. 

In many ways it’s the quest that drives us all, whether we realise it or not. To feel that you matter. To feel like a whole person. To be able to be your authentic self.

I wanted to write about Arati’s life because it inspires me, because it reminds me that everyone can be who they want to be, to build for themselves the lives they wish to live. It is difficult. It’s not enough to have courage or strength and fortitude. You need some good fortune. You need to meet a few good people. But it can be done. And her journey is proof of it. 

But before we get to who Arati is, I need to first tell you what she does. She is one of India’s best bartenders. She runs one of the most successful hotel bars in the country. She is a trailblazer for women and LGBTQ rights in India’s bar community. She inspires fanatical levels of commitment from her team. And she makes one best negronis you can have anywhere.

All this coming from a family where no one had ever travelled outside Mumbai for work. Where the thought of a woman working in another city was unimaginable. Where no one drinks alcohol, not even beer or wine. Where until the age of nineteen, she wasn’t allowed to go out with friends. In fact, this was a background where until less than a decade ago, Aarti herself had never seen a cocktail in her life, or had a sip of any spirit, where ten years ago she was working hard building a career in the field of networking equipment, immersed in the stability and regular income you could get in a world of routers and internet connectivity. 

It is a story that doesn’t make sense, that would be impossible were it not for Arati’s sheer bloody minded willpower to fight against the odds and persevere. 

Arati grew up in Mulund, a suburb of Mumbai that felt a world away from the glamour of Colaba or the hipsters of Bandra. Her father worked for the Bombay bus transport authority while her mother was a nurse in a government hospital. Arati started cooking  at a young age, learning to cook chapattis and vegetables, experimenting with baking cakes, helping her mother in the kitchen, preparing dinner for her family. What she enjoyed more than cooking though was serving food and seeing the happiness that food gave people.  

However, the question of pursuing that passion professionally didn’t arise. The family didn’t have the money for paying for a hospitality course for two children and when Arati said that she wanted to explore a career in hospitality, her elder brother said he wanted to study it as well. Like so many Indian families, Arati as the dutiful daughter was forced to set aside her dreams to prioritise those of the elder son, a decision that came back to haunt her and break her heart when, one month into his first job after graduating, working at Le Meridian, Arati’s brother decided to quit saying that there was no future or growth in hospitality. 

So Arati decided to forget her dreams and find a place in the world pursuing options that felt safer. A middle class girl from Mulund isn’t supposed to dream. She’s supposed to plod ahead in life, one step at a time, blinkers on. So first it was a course studying networking equipment, with a side hustle teaching junior students to subsidise the cost of the course. Then another course in graphic design to enhance her future prospects, where she borrowed money from her mother’s gratuity but still had to drop out before finishing the course because of a lack of funds. 

For a while it looked like she would spend her life in the world of routers and data connectivity, but her desk job left her feeling suffocated, like a part of her soul was dying every day. So one day, through a friend’s reference, she got a job as a server at Pizza Hut at the In Orbit Mall in Malad for a salary of six thousand rupees. The hours were strenuous. She left home at 930 am to get to work before 11 and then took the last local train home when the restaurant shut, first to Dadar and then changing trains to get to Mulund. There was no time for friends, so on her day off, she would go and sit at Crossword Bookstore, browsing through books about the world of food and beverage, books she couldn’t afford, taking photos on her phone and faithfully copying out the text into her notebook at home. Even today, Arati has these notebooks, filled with glimpses of a world she could barely even imagine, of restaurants and fine dining, of bars and cocktails, of chefs and bartenders… a world that seemed impossibly distant and unreal, as far from her reality as life on Mars would be for other, more privileged people. 

At Pizza Hut

Slowly though, something was changing. Her manager at Pizza Hut noticed that the young server on a six thousand rupee salary was getting tips worth close to fifty thousand a month, a number that was far far higher than anyone working at Pizza Hut had ever got. He sat with her and asked her what her secret was. There were a few, starting with how quickly she sat guests and took their orders, making sure she turned tables faster than slower, more indifferent colleagues. But the hidden trick was the personalised message she would write on every single bill. Nothing dramatic. Just a message along the lines of “It was a pleasure serving you. Hope you had a great time and hope to see you again soon-Arati”. A small gesture that no one had taught her but that led to guests feeling a bit more special, better looked after than their previous visits to fast food and casual dining restaurants. 

Her area manager sat Arati down and spoke to her about her potential, asking her to take the Pizza Hut management exam so she could grow within the organisation. But the fire inside Arati had been lit. She borrowed money, she took an education loan and finally she joined ITM Kharghar for a hospitality and F&B course. Although the course taught her a lot, it didn’t really prepare her for life as a bartender. She read about wine and spirits, but it was all theory and she still hadn’t tried alcohol except one pride night at Fun Republic when she drank vodka and got an allergic reaction. Instead it was a TV show on Travel and Living and the books she continued to read at Crossword that made her realise she wanted to be a bartender. 

It was only in her second year of college, interning at the Oberoi that she finally got to work at a bar at the Trident banquets, having proven her worth in housekeeping and the bakery and having begged and pleaded with the captains to give her a chance. At banquets, she served drinks with no training, forced to learn quickly by observing, going back and reading, using google at every opportunity, taking photos of drinks and memorising names and recipes. 

All of this was just learning though. Nothing in her life led her to believe she was actually good at this, that this was what she was meant for. Until the annual cultural festival at her college when the stern and highly knowledgeable Professor Ketan Chande, an encyclopaedia of knowledge who hadn’t spoken to Arati for 3 years told the students that he wanted Arati to run the bar at an event for 800 people because he believed she could do it better than anyone else. That night, Arati’s parents saw her working behind a bar for the first time, interacting with guests, working hard, standing on her feet for hours with a constant smile on her face. At the end of the night, Arati’s mother came to her and told her that she was proud of her and that she was sure that this was the life that was meant for her. 

Running the bar for 800 people at college 

At the end of the year, Arati’s parents sat in the audience as Professor Chande announced her name as the best student of the batch. Arati broke down in tears as she held her trophy before her parents, tears of joy, but also tears of relief, tears that commemorated the challenges and hardships, the many obstacles she had overcome to reach this moment when a life as a bartender was on the verge of becoming reality. 

Graduation 

She was placed in Planet Hollywood in Goa but in the months before she started, she traveled every weekend to a friend’s bar at Belapur where she worked for free, serving drinks to make sure that learnt as much as possible before starting work. This was followed by a stint at Elephant and Co in Pune, a job that changed the trajectory of her career. They were working with a consultant from Goa called Emma to develop their bar programme, and it was under Emma’s tutelage that Arati realised there was a lot more to drinks than she realised. Emma was Arati’s first teacher in the world of spirits introducing her to infusions and tinctures, explaining what ENA is and how to create liquid magic with something so harsh. 

While at Elephant and Co, she hated the coffee that came out of the coffee machine so she decided to make her own coffee using an instant coffee decoction blended in a mixer. She would keep her decoction ready and blend it for crema and serve it to guests in the day. After a while guests started to complain about the coffee when Arati wasn’t around and said they would only drink the coffee if Arati made it. It was the first time anyone had ever asked for a drink made by Arati and along with all she had learnt under Emma she finally felt she was coming into her own and that she was ready for a bigger challenge. 

At Elephant and Co

She saw an ad by a placement consultant in Dadar for a bartending position at Byg Brewsky in Bangalore. However when she reached out to them, the consultant told her that the position and the interview had been cancelled. Disappointed but undeterred, she found the number of Pravesh Pandey, the head of Byg Brewsky and messaged him expressing her disappointment at the interview being cancelled because she was very keen to apply for a position with them. To her surprise Pravesh said that the interview was taking place as per schedule and she should just show up at the consulting firm’s office. When she got there, she understood why the firm had told her it was cancelled. There were thirty men waiting to be interviewed and not a single woman other than Arati. At the end of the interviews, Pravesh made a job offer to just one person.. Arati, thus beginning the most powerful and influential chapter of Arati’s career… Bangalore.

Bangalore transformed Arati, personally and professionally. She understood the challenges and complexities of running a large bar, understanding the business and not just the drinks. But more important was a conversation she had with Pravesh on his expectations from her. Pravesh had one expectation. “I want you to be yourself”, he said. And so for the first time in her life Arati unreservedly, fearlessly embraced all aspects of her self. To express herself, her opinions, her personality… in work and in life, with no apologies. 

With Pravesh Pandey

Whether it was being a woman, whether it was her sexuality, whether it was her humble background, she understood that all of those experiences had shaped her and made her who she was. Pravesh’s advice empowered Arati. She felt she didn’t need to hide herself or be anything she wasn’t. 

Arati had already come out to her mother in 2016. At first her mother didn’t understand and asked Arati if her preference would change and she could start liking men someday. Arati replied that she had felt the way she did for fourteen years, and if anything her feelings and convictions had only gotten stronger until she came to understand herself and fully identify as an androgynous lesbian. 

Now in Bangalore, she felt comfortable being her authentic self because she knew that what ultimately mattered was her work and her talent. She always felt supported by her bosses although she faced her share of discrimination. She has had juniors sit and “advise” her to change and find a nice guy, a situation that feels unimaginable if she were a heterosexual male boss. She has faced slurs because of her sexuality. She has faced disparagement and been in difficult situations being a woman in a male dominated business. She has had to fight, to push, to break down the door for everything she has wanted and achieved. At some level, that’s the source of her hunger… the knowledge that her entire life she has always had to fight against a different set of rules compared to others, whether they were the rules imposed by gender, class or sexuality. 

But Arati doesn’t dwell on the negatives. When you ask her what was the greatest challenge she faced, she is left speechless for the first time. Because nothing specific was a challenge and everything was a challenge. But what kept her going was the passion, the inspiration, the dream fuelled by those days reading in Crossword, flipping through unaffordable books and surreptitiously photographing the pages. Eventually challenges were just another obstacle to be overcome in her life’s journey. 

Every day she continues to be inspired by cocktails, by the challenge of creating flavour in liquid form. She puts her heart into her drinks, they are an expression of her emotions and feelings and learning and curiosity. Every drink she pours is a journey from her imagination to the smile on the guest’s face. 

When I ask her why so few people in the industry have come out as gay, she doesn’t really have an answer. Statistically, it is impossible that over ninety nine percent of India’s bartenders are heterosexual and she wonders if it’s fear that holds them back. For those who are scared, she has a simple message. Her life is proof that they have nothing to fear. But more importantly, you can never do your best work if you are unable to be your truest, most authentic self every single day. 

Arati looks back on her journey to prove to herself that she matters, that “I am someone”. Today she runs one of the most successful bars in the country. She is a role model for the LGBTQ community. She is a trailblazer for women in the bartending community, one of a handful of women building a more equal future for generations to come.

By her own definition, Arati is “someone”.

But here’s the secret. If there’s anything her life teaches us, it is that she has ALWAYS been “someone”. She was this person when she was installing internet routers. She was this person when she was waiting tables at Pizza Hut. She was always someone who mattered. All she needed was the support and encouragement of people who were able to look past societal prejudices and recognise her specialness. 

Her journey is an inspiration to everyone, regardless of background and circumstance, to pursue their dreams, to be fearless, to marry their ambition with grit and resilience and determination. To never take no for an answer. 

But her journey also forces us to think of and acknowledge the many lost Aratis around us. The Aratis who gave up their dreams for their brothers. The Aratis who sit and toil in offices or look after families because society didn’t allow them to be themselves. The Aratis who repress their sexuality or their identity. The Aratis who don’t get called for an interview because they are women. The Aratis who never meet a Professor Chande or Pravesh Pandey. The Aratis who are mocked for their language or accents or social exposure or “provincialism”.

Arati’s is a story that needed to be told. If it inspires just some of us to look past our prejudices, to see people with an open mind, to help another Arati be their authentic self, we would have done some good. Whether that Arati is male or female, gay or straight, from Guntur or Vasant Vihar, whatever they identify as, whatever their accents, wherever they come from, if we can look at people as human beings and not as stereotypes, Arati’s journey and story would have even more impact than it already has.